Humor

Bieter May Have Come To His senses

In a surprise move Saturday, Mayor Dave Bieter did an about face over using $100,000 of hard-earned taxpayer dollars to hire a promoter to attract the F-35.

In a prepared statement, Team Dave told the GUARDIAN, “After careful consideration we decided to leave the money in the city treasury. While the F-35 seems like a good deal for the local economy, the quality of life for the Vista, Borah, South Cole, Bench-Depot, and Hillcrest neighborhoods is of a much higher value.”

The good mayor noted the Republican dominated legislature overwhelmingly approved $100,000 from the Idaho Department of Commerce for Gov. Butch Otter to use as a slush fund. “I have to admit, once the guv and both houses of the legislature started pumping money into public relations schemes, I got caught up in the frenzy,” said Bieter.

Bieter went on to reflect about his changing political philosophy saying, “Spring break afforded me the opportunity to spend time with my family and I came to the realization that Coach Dan Hawkins is right: bigger isn’t better. Better is better. Instead of trying to grow Boise to death, I truly want to make it the most livable city in America.” He harkened back to his youth, recalling the days of high school football rivalries that were not played out in venues created by developers using public funds to sell private condos.

With five neighborhood associations opposed to the noisy F-35 fighters being based at Gowen Field, city hall insiders voiced agreement with their boss. One department head told us, “we all were rather ashamed when he screwed the folks on the Bench and joined up with the Chamber of Commerce planning on moves to get around citizen noise concerns through the use of professional public opinion manipulators.”

An airport staffer confided that attracting C-130 firefighting planes to work with the Interagency Fire Center across the runway made more sense than bringing in the F-35. Even if the F-35 ended up at Mountain Home, the cost of buses would be less than displacing citizens who have lived in their homes for decades.

We asked political scientist and former BSU political science professor Jim Weatherby for comment on Bieter’s turn around and he said, “If you believe this GUARDIAN blog you’re nothing but an April Fool!”

Comments & Discussion

19 comments for “Bieter May Have Come To His senses”

  1. Great April Fools article, it certainly caught my attention. If only it could be true, but an unlikely scenario for our Mayor.

  2. Bill Litster
    Apr 1, 2017, 5:43 am

    You. Totally. Got. Me,
    Dave

    (Naughty, naughty boy !!)

    [although I did raise an eyebrow at Bieter’s informal use of guv, as opposed to governor, in his rambling turn-of-heart message]

  3. Christiane Rudd
    Apr 1, 2017, 5:45 am

    Wow! Thank Mayor and others, who seem to be finally listening to south Boise, and understanding the real facts about noise, destruction and demolition of neighborhoods, and noise/pollution of the entire valley. We must stay on top of this!

    EDITOR NOTE–Read the entire story and check your calendar!

  4. Bieter Begone
    Apr 1, 2017, 7:18 am

    You had me going until the Dan Hawkins bit.

    April Fools.

  5. Kent Goldthorpe
    Apr 1, 2017, 9:01 am

    DUDE! Great one for today!

  6. Peter Paradis
    Apr 1, 2017, 9:28 am

    Nibble . . .
    Nibble . . .
    Pause . . .
    OK! SET THE HOOK! BAM!

    I was thinking Wednesday’s meeting was already having an impact, but ended up disappointed on the last line.

    Well done.

  7. Yossarian_22
    Apr 1, 2017, 9:29 am

    Damn! You had me because I grew up here with all of those people in the North End and then moved to the Bench in ’73. My nostalgic side got to me. That Dan Hawkins element put a nice spin on it.

    Note to self….always check the calendar when viewing the Guardian in Springtime.

  8. First-rate punking.
    You had me until “bigger isn’t better.”

  9. None of you should feel snookered by the bad, bad Guardian’s April Fool’s prank. He came into the kitchen a few nights ago, paper in hand, and read the above story to me. I was completely taken in! After all these years one would have thought I should have learned but I, like many of you, still had hope. Drat!

  10. This was cruel.

  11. “Spending time with the family”
    That’s the cheese.

    Sometimes, it really does happen- A change of heart.

    Like spending time with the family instead of reading social media. Springtime!

  12. The title invites a question, how many senses Mayor Bieter has left, and which one(s) of them he has come to?
    Google search shows that:
    Most children are taught that the human body has five senses: sight, hearing, touch, taste, and smell. But many neurologists identify nine or more senses, and some list as many as 21.
    Please post your best guess for Mayor Bieters’ senses.

    EDITOR NOTE–A sense of HUMOR is required for this post.

  13. I was buying into it in the first sentence, maybe he did realize how inappropriate it is to spend public dollars to lobby for a controversial program has the community split. Salt in the wound for those who oppose the F-35 in Boise to also be be funding the lobbying effort to bring it here via their Boise tax dollars; but second sentence…. The mayor put quality of life over economic development, too unbelievable, but thanks for a well written and humorous article about what life in Boise could be like.

  14. Heinrich Wiebe
    Apr 2, 2017, 9:26 am

    Ha! Playing the joker is such a great way to be. After all, in the end, it’s all a GREAT BIG JOKE! Making the opposition look ridiculous: Sometimes it really is this easy.

  15. Aggrieved Party
    Apr 2, 2017, 1:22 pm

    Well done Dave.
    Considering that on a global scale it has been April Fool’s day everyday for many months now, it is refreshing to see how trusting we still are in news sources we continue to see as trustworthy.
    I have never subscribed to the belief that arguing with a fool in public was a good thing, simply because doing so just confuses the bystanders. Watching how easily misinformation has been used to promote confusion of all bystanders (of which we are all at some level) should not be taken lightly.
    The stark reality appears to be that there is a new Cold War where massive dissemination of misinformation is being used as a weapon to euthanize the truth and cast doubt on all claims of factual truth.
    The death of truth and the rise of calling anything we don’t agree with “false news” is a zero sum game for all in the long run.
    I am reminded of the story of the little boy who cried “Wolf!”. The lesson is a very old one but still timely. The stakes are higher now than ever before if we fail to get it right this time.
    Let’s hope the “nuclear option” is restricted to congressional politics and not a foreign policy.
    Where is Walter Cronkite when you need him?!

  16. that was just mean, some of us live there.

  17. Your article describes an ideal mayor. Can we find such a candidate?

  18. Dave Bieter sucks
    Apr 3, 2017, 4:43 pm

    …and the football gets snatched away before the kick again!

    You get me every year MR Gaurdian. I never lose hope that our sociopath government might someday do the bidding of the people, over the evil plans of the oligarchs.

  19. I truly laughed out loud… great job!

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