Boise Guardian » Humor

Ada Republicans Eat Their Young

dave — Fri, 18 May 2012 03:35:07 +0000

Ada County’s Republican Central Committee–fresh off the first ever closed primary election–snubbed their newly elected County Commish candidate, making him a third rate choice to fill the vacant seat created by Vern Bisterfeldt’s resignation.

Gotta admit it is entertaining to watch the dominant political party in the state eat its young and disrespect its elders.

In a field of three names to be offered to Gov. Butch Otter to appoint as an Ada Commish, David Case came in dead last–despite his victory at the polls only two days earlier. Dan Dunham was the party’s first choice, followed by Gordon Browning and Case. We hear there were 63 party members voting.

Old wounds were ripped open and generous amounts of salt were poured in when a 2010 list of those supporting former Dem Congressman Walt Minnick was circulated at the Thursday night central party gathering. The list highlighted DAVE CASE and VERN BISTERFELDT as Minnick committee members. A photo with a “WALT MINNICK” campaign sign purportedly in front of a home owned by David Case was also circulated at the meeting.

Back in 2010 the party took a swipe at Bisterfeldt–with Commish Sharon Ullman actively calling for Bisterfeldt to resign his Commish candidacy due to his lack of party loyalty. Ullman lost to Case Tuesday and Case was strongly backed by Bisterfeldt…and the feast continues.

Road Kill Smorgasbord Now Legal In Idaho

dave — Mon, 14 May 2012 23:12:46 +0000

If you have the urge to chow down on bobcat burgers or munch on muskrat, you are in luck!

Idaho Fish and Game reports this week that new road-kill rules passed by the legislature allow motorists to snatch up those prized parts of everything from dead moose to striped skunk and coyote found along Idaho highways.

Pressed duck is illegal, but pheasant pot pie is OK. No migratory birds can be salvaged. They must be left to rot. We note long-tailed weasel is legal, but due to portion size only children and seniors will be interested.

All you need to be legal is a computer or cell phone to apply for the necessary permit within 24 hours. Then you get a permit within 72 hours. Here is how they describe the process in a press release:
“A self-generating permit is available for printing after entering required information, including date, location and species salvaged. A copy of the permit must accompany the salvaged wildlife.”

The GUARDIAN had all sorts of questions about the process. For instance: if you make muskrat and skunk canapé’s do you need to have a permit posted on the table? Is it considered fair to use those big brush guards on the pick-ups that sit six feet off the pavement?

While they advise motorists to not stop on the freeway for a bull moose rack, there is no apparent requirement you have to kill the critters with the family sedan. You can just follow along and “salvage” what others whack and leave behind.

The press release notes:
“In addition to reporting a salvage, the following wildlife must be presented to the nearest Fish and Game office to satisfy mandatory check and reporting requirements: moose, mountain goat, bighorn sheep, mountain lion, black bear, wolf, bobcat and river otter.” Can’t you just see the F-150 pull up to F&G and a guy wearing a John Deere cap gets out and declares, “I am here to present a mountain goat as prescribed by law.”

The new rules also allow people to sell parts–except the meat–from legally salvaged wildlife, not including bighorn sheep. People may also retain and consume the meat of legally salvaged wildlife – but they do so at their own risk.

It appears about anything found dead on the road is… FAIR GAME.

City Councilor And Mayor Create “Conflict Of Interest”

dave — Wed, 09 May 2012 21:27:09 +0000

Ever since TJ Thomson got elected he has kept a low profile with regard to his city council position–until now.

The GUARDIAN has learned the quiet councilor will be featured in a local version of “Dancing With The Stars” Saturday at the Boise Centre on The Grove, but one of the judges is Mayor Dave Bieter. We know politics makes strange bedfellows, but having a judge who needs to suck up to a councilor for funding pet projects seems “irregular” at best–and probably a conflict.

Since it is a fund raiser for MUSCULAR DYSTROPHY, we can give them a pass on the obvious conflict. The legacy media needs to investigate who his dance partner is.

A Dirty Little Boise Secret?

dave — Tue, 08 May 2012 19:17:37 +0000

A reader sent us a story he found in a national magazine about Boise. “We didn’t read it ma, the big boys showed it to us.”

We haven’t had a press release from city hall– or even heard of one being sent to the legacy media–about another “National Magazine Poll,” but MEN’S HEALTH rated Boise just one slot off the TOP TEN rank for smuttiest cities in the USA.

If they get us up there with “most livable” and “bike friendly,” there may be some socially redeeming value.

A New Month Brings Hope For Future

dave — Sun, 01 Apr 2012 23:51:55 +0000

This morning we awakened to all sorts of good news.

First it was Team Dave announcing they have abandoned plans for not only a downtown baseball park, but they also promised to not use any public money to further the desire named Streetcar (also known as the Trolley Folly).

Next thing we heard was the legislature realized how much impact they put on cities with the Land Board going into business against those who actually pay taxes. Plans are afoot to discontinue owning tax exempt businesses that would otherwise be private and pay taxes.

The new Urban Renewal director said it was simply wrong on too many fronts to continue to divert tax money to the agency at the expense of schools, cities, counties, and the highway district. He also noted citizens need a voice in long term debt issues.

With the tourist season upon us, we were thrilled to learn the Boise Depot was actually going to be open to visitors on a daily basis with tours to the bell tower to view the city.

Boise officials actually started talking to taxpayers and the media instead of hiding behind costly public records requests and claims of “personnel matter.” The new transparency is expected to cut down on costly records requests and lead to better understanding of all parties.

Then we realized today is APRIL FOOLS day. It doesn’t hurt to be positive, but sometimes it makes you feel like a fool.

First Dope Reporter Award Of 2012 Goes To Jennifer McGraw

dave — Tue, 27 Mar 2012 00:07:55 +0000

With the high rate of turnover in the TV news business, KBOI-TV’s Jennifer McGraw can get a partial pass for not knowing, but when she got caught wading in the spring runoff in her cute plastic boots she won the first DOPE REPORTER award of the water year.

Not only did she appear on air standing in the water, she even posted a picture of her boots on her Twitter page! The caption said, “Guess what? spring has sprung and the greenbelt is flooding. Even with my boots the water is too deep.” Which begs the question, was it an inch, a foot, or a yard over your boots? If she had stayed on high ground, boots wouldn’t be needed.

As usual, the GUARDIAN will present DOPE REPORTER awards to reporters who appear on camera standing in flood water. Boots are permitted to get a good camera angle, but wading in water is for children on their way to school.

Note to Jennifer: Check past DOPE REPORTER awards and you will see it isn’t personal and really is all in good fun.

Reader nominations accepted at the CONTACT button on the home page.

No related posts.

Navy Contract Reads Like Dream Ski Vacation

dave — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 15:43:16 +0000

If you are swishing the Warm Springs run at Sun Valley and find a guy following you with machine gun and a bumper sticking reading, “WE GOT OSAMA,” you just might be in the middle of a training exercise.

We feel a bit like the Wikkileaks guy in England, but since the information is already on the internet and appears to be a legitimate U.S. Gov posting, we have decided to share what is either a dream vacation, a recruiting film production, or an attempt to boost the economy of a lucky ski resort–like SUN VALLEY.

The Idaho ski resort is no stranger to the Navy, having provided hospital-type care facilities during WWII.

“Ski passes, helicopters, guides, snowmobiles, lodging above 5,000 feet elevation, and back country guides” are all included included in what appears to be a Navy Seal “education and training” bid specification.

Check out THE LINK.

No related posts.

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year

dave — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 22:52:53 +0000

The GUARDIAN wishes to thank one and all for their kind contributions over the past year whether as a reader or contributing writer, or commenter.

We will keep an eye on the blog over the next week, but don’t expect much in the way of breaking news. The politicos will mostly be away from their public offices, so we should be mostly safe.

MERRY CHRISTMAS to one and all–even the politicos!

No related posts.

Coppers Cope With Public Puffing

dave — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 20:37:02 +0000

We haven’t weighed in on the anti-smoking fiasco within Boise bars and parks until the City Councilors passed a set of ordinances that will become law January 1. Now that it illegal to puff in public we wanted to hear from the coppers who will have to enforce the law.

The GUARDIAN made an official request of the Boise PD to see how coppers plan to smother the smoke of those who blow it contrary to law. The short answer is probably “politely.” We have heard all the arguments, but still find it hard to justify a smoking ban, while allowing the consumption of alcohol. A lot more people are robbed and unwanted babies born as a result of too much booze than too much smoke.

Given the penchant for Boise’s Team Dave to be “business friendly,” perhaps they can figure out a method of licensing smoking establishments like they do the booze joints. Meanwhile, taxpayers will have to pony up the cash to defend the laws when tobacco interests make the legal challenge in court.

BOISE PD POLICY

No related posts.

Future GUARDIAN City Council Report

dave — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 01:48:02 +0000

By Bill Goodnight
Guardian Humorist

Fast forward to 2020:

“Boise City Council Passes Anti-flatulence Ordinance”

Last night the Boise City Council unanimously passed a ban on flatulence in all public places.

The ordinance requires that all businesses install point source detectors recently developed by the local tech start-up company U-point. These detectors should answer some public concern about false reporting by perpetrators who point at others. They can be purchased as apps on cell phones as well.

Thirty year North end incumbent Councilor Melissa Teightas prefaced the vote by saying: “flatulence is socially repugnant and physically revolting!” When an audience member labeled the ordinance as Orwellian, she responded, “1982 was 38 years ago get over it!”

The council also adopted a business tax to fund cessation classes which will include exercises to increase sphincter control and promote gas resorption. Classes are run by a private firm selected after a $24,500 study funded by the city.

The new law is known as the Natural Organic Substances Held In Tight ordinance and is said to have its roots in a smoking ban enacted in 2011.