City Government
Monkeys In Urban Jungle
February 22, 2007 
Southwest Ada residents against annexation are conducting their annual legislative battle with cities who want to capture them–and their taxes–against their will.
We thought it was time to roll out this early GUARDIAN post.
In the realm of Southwest Idaho Cities, Boise stands head and shoulders above the rest as the “800 pound gorilla” with the “chimpanzees” of Meridian and Nampa growing up fast.
During the past 10 years as Boise City swung through the suburban jungle unchallenged, it intimidated the surrounding areas and annexed thousands of acres of territory along with the human inhabitants–often against their will.
In this theory of relativity we saw Meridian and Nampa evolve from humans to little monkeys, into agile chimps. They looked at the big gorilla and decided they too could grow up to be strong, powerful and dominant.
Thus THE MONKEY WARS began.
–First it was the little human homeowners who protested against being annexed into Boise. The big gorilla proved he could sit anywhere he wished and slapped down the homeowners.
–Then, the little monkeys of Star and Eagle wouldn’t play nice and tried to steal each other’s food in the form of annexation battles along Highway 16. Both want to evolve into chimps and get bigger like Meridian.
–Meridian outgrew its monkey suit, has evolved into a BIG chimp and may even evolve into a gorilla soon like its neighbor to the west, Nampa.
–The Kuna monkey is getting really frisky, wants to become a chimp and challenge Meridian. The Kuna monkey took a lesson from the Boise gorilla and said, “We can’t stop annexing!” They are fighting over monkey food–tax revenues–with Meridian.
–The Boise gorilla was unhappy when the Ada gorilla (an endangered species) fathered a new monkey in the form of the Avimor planned community–really a subdivision in monkey clothing. Boise took them to court. The Ada gorilla sighed like a frustrated parent.
–That prompted the Star monkey to run in and poke the Boise gorilla in his big hairy butt by pulling out of Blue Print For Smart Growth which is a phony plan to preserve habitat for monkeys, chimps and gorillas, but not the endangered humans.
–All the monkeys and chimps were happy when the Boise gorilla gave buses tothe regional transit system that can’t remember its own name, but the Garden City chimp went into a snit when it had to pay, so he went home and said, “take this bus and shove it.!”
–The Boise gorilla fights with everyone, but ALWAYS with the motherly Ada County Highway District gorilla. The ACHD and Boise gorillas have a common law marriage, but dad cheats on her and threatens divorce each election season. The ACHD gorilla still washes his clothes and prepares his meals, but the spark has faded from their relationship.
–It is obvious that you can’t put diverse species of apes in the same monkey cage or they will make life miserable for each other.
All this monkey business proves annexation law that allows sub divisions only in cities and enables cities to annex at will, leads us to one conclusion:
The Treasure Valley monkey JUNGLE has become an urban ZOO!
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Comments & Discussion
Comments are closed for this post.
Feb 22, 2007, 1:02 pm
While I fully support the cities’ current annexation powers, I have to admit your gorilla analogy and photos are hilarious! Funniest thing I’ve seen all day.
Feb 22, 2007, 2:00 pm
Each City should and does have the right to be what it wants to be – period! The Big Boise gorilla should just keep its hands OFF. If Eagle and Kuna want to have different densities other than the 1000 people per acre that Boise wants then they should be able to do that.
Boise will try to rope all the little cities into its web about regional transit – but the little cities will lose and become even more entangled and pay a heavy price.
The regional transit deal is simply a power grab and a bottomless money pit. Hopefully the little towns and the legislature will not stand for this big gorilla tactic. We do not need another BILLION dollars of tax load that benefit only a select few…..gorillas.
Feb 22, 2007, 2:00 pm
Each City should and does have the right to be what it wants to be – period! The Big Boise gorilla should just keep its hands OFF. If Eagle and Kuna want to have different densities other than the 1000 people per acre that Boise wants then they should be able to do that.
Boise will try to rope all the little cities into its web about regional transit – but the little cities will lose and become even more entangled and pay a heavy price.
The regional transit deal is simply a power grab and a bottomless money pit. Hopefully the little towns and the legislature will not stand for this big gorilla tactic. We do not need another BILLION dollars of tax load that benefit only a select few…..gorillas.
Feb 22, 2007, 2:00 pm
Each City should and does have the right to be what it wants to be – period! The Big Boise gorilla should just keep its hands OFF. If Eagle and Kuna want to have different densities other than the 1000 people per acre that Boise wants then they should be able to do that.
Boise will try to rope all the little cities into its web about regional transit – but the little cities will lose and become even more entangled and pay a heavy price.
The regional transit deal is simply a power grab and a bottomless money pit. Hopefully the little towns and the legislature will not stand for this big gorilla tactic. We do not need another BILLION dollars of tax load that benefit only a select few…..gorillas.
Feb 22, 2007, 3:46 pm
Comparing our jungle friends with local politicians is kind of insulting to all our animal kingdom cousins..I see it as a self-image improvement course for Ada’s local politicos.
Those researchers who actually lived with silverbacks and chimps proved that these animals live in highly socialized, constructive environments that benefit all; aggressive behavior is usually limited to “posturing” while different species respect each other’s turf. I suggest that a personnel manual for would be local politicos be written featuring ” Curious George” and ” Bobo the Gorilla”- the taxpayer might turn into the ” Top Banana” for a change!
Feb 23, 2007, 6:18 am
Brilliant! Absolutely Brilliant! The only part you missed Guardian is when they throw their “Poo” at each other.
Feb 23, 2007, 12:32 pm
No wonder I’ve been craving bananas all day!