Humor
“Vista Vision” Project To Feature Moving Sidewalk
April 1, 2016 
A new consultant within the office of Mayor Dave Bieter’s Team Dave has come up with a “PERFECT VISTA VISION” which he claims will stimulate business and reduce automobile traffic.
Conveyor sidewalk in O’Hare Airport in Chicago, IL.
Sloof Lirpa comes from Sweden and GUARDIAN sources say he is working on a low profile plan for Vista to coincide with the “Energize Vista” grant.
Lirpa told the GUARDIAN, “With this broad roadway connecting Boise’s two important transportation hubs–the Airport and the downtown multimodal transit center–we were asked to come up with a plan that would ENERGIZE Vista. And what better way to do that than get people out of their cars!”
He said, “our exhaustive research meshes well with the plans of the mayor and council to eventually eliminate automobile traffic in the downtown and Vista areas, creating greater business opportunities on the Vista Bench.”
In a nutshell here is the plan:
–Eliminate the two curbside lanes of auto travel and create a TRANSIT CORRIDOR down the middle of the street. Research both in Europe and South America shows that with more bikes and the new trolley (the Trolley is projected for the year 2020, hence PERFECT VISION), business will flourish.
–Create a mobile assisted pedestrian sidewalk (MAPS)–like the ones in airports– which will run at 3 miles per hour. That means if someone is walking at a modest two miles per hour, they will actually be going 5 mph. With the moving sidewalk running down the middle of the transportation corridor with a buffer zone of curb and grass on the street side and a concrete safety barrier you will be able to walk the length of Vista in less than half an hour! There would be exits at each intersection.
–Under the transit corridor concept, a limited number of cars will have access to the Vista business area, but no left turns will be allowed. They are working with ACHD to create roundabouts at Overland and near the Depot. All streets entering Vista will have a mandatory right turn to eliminate the need for traffic signals and cross traffic. Motorists will be able to change directions of travel using the conveniently located roundabouts.
Lirpa said, “If we are able to facilitate this innovative concept using our vast experience, Boise could easily be not only the “most bike friendly” city in America, it could truly live up to Mayor Bieter’s goal of being the ‘most livable city in America’.”
Money is always a concern, but with a modest local improvement tax, a business occupancy tax for each tenant, a business improvement district tax, and other revenue sources such as Federal grants and a local option sales tax, Team Dave says the plan is viable. Estimates range from $96 million to $400 million, depending on how much public art is included in the form of statues and other design elements.
Interesting to note SLOOF LIRPA could spell his name backwards today for added effect.
To insure more advertising-free Boise Guardian news, please consider financial support.
Comments & Discussion
Comments are closed for this post.
Apr 1, 2016, 2:08 am
It’s not nice to pick on outsiders for thinking money grows on trees. Do believe their a potential socialist disability involved. They are after all I think the same dopes who gave Obama a prize for not blowing up bad guys with drones in 2008?
As for the sidewalks. Perhaps they should find a way to repair the non-moving sidewalks before attempting grater challenges?
Has the airport recovered to pre-depression traffic and seat-mile levels yet? Perhaps a fourth and fifth runway will attract additional travelers?
Lastly, I’d support this Disney-walk idea if it continued all the way up to the Bogus lodge with clusters of bars and eateries along the way. Just think about the vision of sipping a fine German draft with Austrian horn-blowers and Swiss cows in a nearby mountain meadow.
FYI Mayor, TSA: I still hold both middle fingers in the air each time I pass the airport while blissfully cruising to Seattle, Portland, or Salt Lake in a really nice Japanese luxury sedan.
Apr 1, 2016, 7:29 am
Nice. You had me going all the way to walking Vista in 30 minutes.
Apr 1, 2016, 7:33 am
I bite every year! Thanks for the laugh.
Apr 1, 2016, 7:56 am
Cute gag! Go Sloopy.
Apr 1, 2016, 8:43 am
Well, that joke woke me up. The sad part is I actually believed it until the very end.
Apr 1, 2016, 8:56 am
I knew immediately it was an April Fools joke when you suggested the City might invest in an area outside of downtown or the northend.
Apr 1, 2016, 9:03 am
I think the only gag is Sloof’s sidewalk. The rest may be true as part of Boise’s Energize Our Neighborhood and an Urban Land Institute grant.
http://goo.gl/84TVRA (Boise Weekly)
ULI team member Dan Pleasant, director of transportation for the City of Charlotte, N.C., was more blunt.:
“Let’s get down to business,” he said. “You should consider converting Vista to one lane in each direction. Perhaps the center lane would be for left-turn lanes. And, of course, protected bike lanes.
Apr 1, 2016, 9:32 am
Take a bow, Mr. D
Apr 1, 2016, 9:35 am
You only think it’s a spoof.
Apr 1, 2016, 10:03 am
They should definitely add accommodations for flying cars and robot servants. (Source: The Jetsons)
Apr 1, 2016, 10:17 am
No left Turns!
ACHD hates left turns (and cans!).
The joke of it is, that is too close to reality.
Apr 1, 2016, 10:49 am
I bought it rite to the end–I am so gullible, I once believed what a politician said too.
Apr 1, 2016, 12:19 pm
I was thinking to myself: “Trump proposed this last week, didn’t he?”
Apr 1, 2016, 3:10 pm
They need to add a zip line down each bench and a rope tow type assembly down each sidewalk.
Apr 1, 2016, 8:32 pm
I would like to thank Dave and Ben from the Exchange club for the opportunity to pull off a great April Fools joke. It was wicked fun
Apr 1, 2016, 11:29 pm
If it’ll get the tailgaters off my back-side, I’m for it.
Apr 3, 2016, 7:05 am
Not April Fools unfortunately. In reality I am desperate for a local NEWS outlet. As it is we have several channels of marketing $hit plus one non-local newspaper with one good story per week. Any ideas?
EDITOR NOTE–Unfortunately, I have no ideas. Government, using our money, has been able to lure away most of the reporters from the local legacy media. As a result the media is fed a diet of well written stories spun to make the agencies look good. No reason for news outlets to pay for news when they get free “viewer video,” along with free letters to the editor and opinion pieces in addition to all the official statements penned by the PR people. Print, broadcast, and web have become mere portals for access these days.
Apr 3, 2016, 10:28 am
The best giveaway that this was fake was the idea of a quote from someone in the mayor’s office to DF. Ha!
Apr 4, 2016, 7:25 am
damn, you had me suckered all the way to the end! Good one!
I should post to FB and laugh at the uproar!
Apr 4, 2016, 12:56 pm
The whole Car vs. Bike could be simplified with the help of Googles Self Driving Car and Self Driving Bike.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LSZPNwZex9s
Apr 5, 2016, 2:21 pm
JJ and I both recognized the joke at the same unfathomable point. Why would the city invest in that corridor between the soon-to-be-sonic-booming-airport and the hub of the universe that is downtown dining? Isn’t that area for the slumlords to buy crap houses and apartment complexes for low-income workers and refugees? 😉
James has hit on a great idea with the zip line. That needs to happen. Which also gives me an idea: how about gondolas instead of trolleys? Wasn’t that part of last year’s prank by the Weekly? I think we need a gondola from the Bench to Downtown, and from Downtown to Bogus, as suggested last year. If not gondolas, how about some ski lifts? The Guardian wouldn’t have to gripe about bikes if everyone parked their bikes and cars and rode a zipline, gondola, or ski lift to downtown. Now, personally, I want a nice kick scooter that you hook to the zipline, gondola, or ski lift, and unhook when you land, and then you just kick off (in a speedy momentum way, not a death or football way.) When you want to go back to your car or bike, you hook up to the ski lift or gondola, and enjoy a lofty ride back.
Can we we just make the whole downtown and greenbelt an amusement park? We need a monorail above Eagle Road, and a roller coaster to McCall, too.