City Government
Future GUARDIAN City Council Report
December 1, 2011 
By Bill Goodnight
Guardian Humorist
Fast forward to 2020:
“Boise City Council Passes Anti-flatulence Ordinance”
Last night the Boise City Council unanimously passed a ban on flatulence in all public places.
The ordinance requires that all businesses install point source detectors recently developed by the local tech start-up company U-point. These detectors should answer some public concern about false reporting by perpetrators who point at others. They can be purchased as apps on cell phones as well.
Thirty year North end incumbent Councilor Melissa Teightas prefaced the vote by saying: “flatulence is socially repugnant and physically revolting!” When an audience member labeled the ordinance as Orwellian, she responded, “1982 was 38 years ago get over it!”
The council also adopted a business tax to fund cessation classes which will include exercises to increase sphincter control and promote gas resorption. Classes are run by a private firm selected after a $24,500 study funded by the city.
The new law is known as the Natural Organic Substances Held In Tight ordinance and is said to have its roots in a smoking ban enacted in 2011.
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Comments & Discussion
Comments are closed for this post.
Dec 1, 2011, 9:02 pm
Ok, so now how about pee in the pool?
Dec 1, 2011, 9:23 pm
I agree! Hooray for Beiter and his hand picked city council members for having the foresight to protect all of us from this intrusion on our rights to be flatulence free. Let there “beano” more criticism of their wise “movements”.
Dec 2, 2011, 2:58 am
limit the amount of air each person is allowed to inhale each day.
Dec 2, 2011, 8:29 am
All the old people in Pampers will be in constant violation of this law. My Father died at 92 years of age and was nearly deaf. You never knew when Grandpa was going to cut the cheese, he figured if he couldn’t hear it nobody else could either. I can see our jails filled with Fart Felons.
Dec 2, 2011, 8:41 am
Too funny, reminds me of riding the trains in Tokyo during rush hour. Hi carb diets have an impact on air quality in the confines of the trains. Perhaps that is why so many Japanese smoke.
Dec 2, 2011, 11:53 am
Must we wait ’til 2020? We are suffering from Public Flatulence now!! And like the smoking ban, it’s unlikely the Fart Law would personally impact a group as anal-retentive as our esteemed City Council. (Melissa Teightas, indeed!)
Other smells that should be banned in public:
– Nampa sugar-beet factory
– huge, noisy, stinky diesel pickups
– women who obviously buy perfume in the 55-gallon drum
– smells emanating from burger joints, bakeries, rib shacks, etc. (They make me hungry and threaten my Adonis-like physique.)
Our City Nannies have their work cut out for ’em!
Dec 2, 2011, 2:14 pm
I have searched everywhere for this story. I have not come up with a single source to verify this new law. How could something like this pass mustard without the national news outlets picking it up? Something is very smelly here!! Hummmm….
Dec 2, 2011, 3:27 pm
I think the police should set up a special unit for enforcement of this law, it could be called the Fast Action Response Team!
Dec 2, 2011, 5:12 pm
I hear that Canyon County officials are concerned that their citizens might have to undergo emission testing if they enter Ada County.
Dec 2, 2011, 5:57 pm
Glad that this issued can be laid to rest within the foreseeable future. Now, about those damn geese, and all the other weighty issues of grave concern for the common weal.
Dec 5, 2011, 3:11 pm
Fish & Game’s loss is a gain for southern Idaho. Mr. Goodnight was an eloquent spokesman for IDFG but his skills seem to have magnified now that retirement has freed him to speak his individual mind.
You rock, Bill!
Dec 5, 2011, 4:32 pm
Will this require the city to provide LEO’s with a special ANALyzer?
Dec 5, 2011, 6:24 pm
Perhaps people could be trained with shock collors around their middle which would shock the wearer at the first sign of emissions. I do look for canyon county comissioners to oppose any regulation however even if mandated by the EPA